As your coach, I’m not here to advise you
on whether you should leave or stay.
You are the only one who has that answer.
But right now, your mind is clouded with emotion based on what you believe about your partner, your marriage, and yourself…..and you’re struggling to make sense of it all.
My job is to help you get clear so you can decide and move on with your life – no guilt, no regrets. Can you imagine the weight that will be lifted and the freedom you will feel?
I know what it’s like.
I know what it’s like to feel hopeless, lonely, and frustrated – believing the only way life can improve is if your partner changes or you leave your marriage. And unfortunately, both of those options suck. Because, let’s be honest: your partner isn’t changing……no matter how hard you try to get them to. AND because leaving is going to destroy your children, your reputation….your identity. At least….that’s what you believe.
By the time I was 35, I had everything I’d always wanted:
A husband who took care of us.
Two beautiful kids: a boy and a girl.
(We were told we had the “million dollar family.”)
A comfortable home in a quiet neighborhood, next to a park.
A good career in the information technology department of a bank.
Enough money for everything we needed and pretty much anything we wanted.
So, why the hell was I so miserable?
Does any of this sound familiar?
You’re going through the motions…every day just like the one before.
Responsibilities and expectations piled up around you so high, they’re all you can see.
Before you even realize it, your relationship with the person you once couldn’t wait to come home to becomes part of the never-ending list of things you need to do and you Just. Don’t. Have. The. Energy.
So, time goes on….and the emotional and physical distance between the two of you creates a divide that looks and feels a lot like the Grand Canyon.
I’ve always been a “things can be better” kind of person, so I set out to “fix” our relationship…
…believing that if I felt loved by him, life would be perfect. And, believe me, I tried EVERYTHING. (Well, I thought I did!)
We saw 5 different therapists over a period of 6 years.
I hinted at what I wanted from him.
I asked directly.
I begged.
I threatened.
I went to therapy on my own.
I changed some of my behaviors.
I pretended everything was fine.
I read books.
I wrote him letters.
And nothing worked. In fact, our relationship continued its downward spiral. Now, in addition to feeling unloved and lonely, I also felt resentful.
So, what do you do when you think you’ve tried everything?
I started to believe the only way to find happiness was leaving him. And yet, the thought of breaking my family apart also felt heart-wrenching. I had so many reasons to go…..and just as many reasons to stay. Back and forth I went in my mind for literally years trying to decide which was the lesser of two evils.
Fast forward eight years.
I can look back now and see so clearly the one thing I didn’t try:
NOT trying to change HIM.
You see, all of those things I did – all of the solutions I thought hadn’t worked – had an underlying expectation:
That if I did those things HE would change…..and I thought that was the solution to MY happiness.
But I was wrong.
After years of individual therapy, life coaches, seminars, books, trainings, and becoming certified in the modalities I found to be most effective, I finally understand:
Happiness is an inside job.
Many of us say we know that, but we continue to blame the people and circumstances around us anyway. (It’s a human thing.)
The result of that time and effort to understand myself better has been a more happy, more loving version of me. Looking back now, the solution seems obvious…and I want to share it with you.
You have the POWER to be happy – no matter what you decide about your relationship. Once you truly understand that, the decision becomes much more easy…..because it will be based on what you want and NOT the lesser of two evils.
I’m here to help you become the person that doesn’t depend on someone or something outside of themselves to be happy. I’m here to help you decide what direction to take in your relationship and your life.
And to do it from a place of confidence and peace of mind.
Ready to get started?
My Philosophy
Black and White is Not a Thing
Right and wrong are subjective. The story you’re telling yourself is creating your experience.
You Already Know the Answer
Even if you think you don’t. You just need help finding and trusting it.
All Humans Are Different…But We’re Also the Same
The more we understand our differences and recognize our similarities, the more connection we feel.
You Cannot Pour From an Empty Cup
Taking care of yourself is NOT selfish. It’s the best way to ensure you can give the most to those you love.
How You Do One Thing is How You Do Everything
When you learn how to think, feel, and act differently in one area of your life it translates into every other area.
Change begins in your mind
When you want to produce different results, you need to start with what’s going on between your ears. And if you don’t address it before you move on, you’re going to find yourself in strangely similar situations down the road.
Just for fun:
I love me some fun competition or adrenaline pumping adventure!
Say the right word (and there’s A LOT of them) and I’ll break into
song or quote you a movie line.
I’m abnormally detail oriented as I found out in my “past life” in
information technology.
Mountains vs. Ocean? How about both? I’m not picky.
If geeking out on personal growth is weird, you can probably
consider me eccentric.
