It’s All in the Eyes!

Have you ever noticed how difficult it is for some folks to look you in the eyes?

Perhaps you are someone who avoids eye contact?

Over the last year, I have made a conscious effort to look deep into the eyes of anyone I talk to.  I feel it provides the recipient with the feeling that I’m completely engaged in what they are saying and for me.  There’s a magical emotional connection that’s made when you look into someone’s eyes.  I can really feel what they’re feeling!  Because of this effort, I’ve noticed how few people are able to hold my gaze.

It’s not uncommon for me to try to catch the eyes of someone walking toward me in a hallway or on the street and they will look anywhere, except at me!  I’ll even say “hi” to get their attention and only then will they throw me a swift glance and half a smile!

One British scientist found that people look at each other only 30-60% of the time while in conversation – and that includes the whole body, not just eye contact!  We don’t even look at each other 40-70% of the time!  Wow!

Why do you think that is?

Back in February, I was at a human potential and success seminar and we did a number of partner exercises aimed at creating a personal connection between the individuals in the group.  It was a very powerful and emotional week for all of us!

I remember two separate occasions, with two separate partners, where the assignment was to sit facing each other (knee to knee) for at least 2 full minutes looking into each other’s eyes.  Both of my partners held eye contact for perhaps 15 seconds before their gaze began to wander.  Now remember, I’ve been working on this, so I stayed constant!

In both cases, I’d say it was about 30 seconds before I began to notice tears welling up in their eyes and only moments later, they were streaming down their cheeks!

I know eye contact can be extremely difficult for some people so I began to send them thoughts of love.  “You’re okay!”  “You are amazing!”  “I’m sending you love and positive energy.”  For the remaining time we spent in the exercise, I was sending them loving thoughts – one after another.

Partner one told me afterward that she’s never even looked into her husband’s eyes for that long!  She felt it was such an emotional experience, it was just too overwhelming!

Partner two actually shared what she was feeling with the group.  And guess what?  Even though I was sending her thoughts of love and approval, her self talk was telling her I was judging her!  She was convinced that I was thinking all kinds of terrible negative thoughts about her!

There are two very important lessons I took away from this whole experience:

1. Looking into someone’s eyes can be a very powerful way to connect with someone.  It binds you on a very emotional level.  You may not know them at all (I didn’t) but by the time you walk away, you feel like you have a life-long friend…even if you never talk to them again!  You feel like you can trust them, like you want to get to know them better, like…well…like you could love them!  If you are someone who avoids eye contact, I urge you to focus your intention to improve in this area.  It creates a wonderful dynamic to the conversation and brightens your day!  This is especially important with your spouse, significant other and loved ones.

2. If your self-talk is spewing negative thoughts into your mind, don’t listen to it!  It’s lying!  Okay, it’s most likely lying.  I understand there are those whose energy and intention may be anything but positive and if you are intuitive enough to pick up on the negative energy, you could be sensing vibration and in that case…you’re right to feel uneasy.  However, I believe this to be much less frequent than we think.  When you feel judged in silence, I encourage you to take a moment to consider whether it’s a negative vibration you’re feeling or if it’s your imagination running wild!  Either way, it would be a wonderful practice to send the other person love and acceptance.  When you are in a state of love, YOU are in a positive vibration – no matter what the other person is thinking!  :o)

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